My thoughts on discipline are only from my experience with one child with special needs, Lucy. Down syndrome affects every individual differently, so my thoughts are not meant to be applicable across the board. I just offer what has worked for me thus far, and if you have any tips please share them!
When Lucy was born, one fear I had was that I would not know how to handle her. 20 years of experience raising kids had taught me that life was so much more pleasant when the kids were respectful and obedient, and that such behavior doesn't come automatically! Looking at my sweet little baby with Down syndrome I wondered if she would be able to learn to obey, or if my household would become more and more chaotic...
When Lucy was just 4 months old I attended a Down syndrome congress and met a mother whose daughter was already in her 20's. I asked her how she managed the discipline issue, and she said firmly, "treat your daughter EXACTLY like your other children!" Being new to the Down syndrome world I asked, "But will she understand what I'm telling her?" My new friend said emphatically, "She will understand lots more than you think she does!"
I decided to take her words to heart and have high expectations for Lucy, even as I have modified those expectations when needed. I have learned never to argue with her, but I do use consequences: when you put your toys away, you can go to the park. or, it's time to turn off the TV, or you will have to sit on the timeout chair (I use her age in minutes for timeout). Today I told her if she behaved well in the store she would get a necco wafer when we got in the car. I am trying to teach her to walk beside me without me holding her hand; we are starting small but extending the time bit by bit. It has taken many repetitions and reminders, but over time I see progress and I have hope we are on the right path!
This is what worked for us for potty training. I started training her in earnest when she was only 2 and a half, because I had read that if you wait too long the HABIT itself of soiling must be overcome in addition to the potty training. At first we tried stickers, candy, books, toys, cheering etc, and she became more and more resistant to even going into the bathroom, much less producing anything. I was frustrated, and began to wonder whether she even COULD do it. It occurred to me that the one thing she absolutely loved was watching TV. I announced to the family that no TV could be watched in the house until further notice (unless Lucy was out of the room), and brought a DVD player into the bathroom. If Lucy went potty, I immediately turned on some cartoons. After 5 minutes, off went the dvd player, and I gave her more to drink. Half an hour later I asked if she wanted to watch some cartoons, of course she did, but I told her she had to try and go potty first. She was so motivated to watch cartoons she overcame her resistance and cooperated! After 6 weeks she had the idea pretty well, and I let the TV on at other times in the house. Once it became habitual for her to use the bathroom, no more hassles. Thank God!
I hope these ideas might be of use to someone else, but every family needs to learn from experience what each child is capable of. It does take more patience to train a child with special needs, but it is so rewarding when they learn to be part of the family team, as their limitations allow.
